OH MY STAR!

In the still, restful hush before dawn arose, a single bright star greeted me today through the lonely blue haze. A wordless ‘Good Morning’, it sparkled contrary to Dad's hearty voice ringing through the house. 

The sky rejoices in you, we revel in all the good memories you've given us to write about, journal about, sing about…most importantly to converse about with joy in our hearts and a wistfulness in our eyes. 

Could any treasure be more dear than this?

It's a spring in my rose garden with your nostalgia in full bloom. A tiny heart with its vast, grand, golden and upbeat moments is overstuffed with the fabulous 50 years of my life you've given me.

Everything is hunky-dory for most parts of the day and night– because I dedicate every waking moment to you, as do I with my mellowed breathing just before I fall asleep asking you to envelop me and Babylou with the most powerful, shielding aura that is now yours. 

Yet, there is no silence more louder, no void more expansive but there's also a slow  healing in the solitude. 

I don't stand on the edge with broken wings-- swan diving into an abyss. Precisely because that's not how you built my resilience when you could glean long before I stepped out into this cut throat arena that this child had to be toughened up.

And true to your wise words, I realized well in time that softness and helplessness had no place in this world. 

“Don't have too many emotions and attachments with anyone or anything” is your anthem I live by today. And a lesson in the learning as I stand rooted and anchored  even when grief stings. 

I can sense how proud you are of me that I didn't crumble into a heap. I know you see me carrying on through my days and nights while showering me with love and blessings always. 

As I reiterate, I don't spare a moment of my time for people who judged me for not crying my eyes out or for holding myself back from giving them theatrical performances of my anguish on the day I bid a fond, final farewell to you. 

Because I live by your principles, dear daddy, I'm made of the same seasoned, cast iron demeanor that you always flaunted— stoic, restrained and dignified. You had zero tolerance for emotional melodrama. And so do I. 

The glances and gazes that bore down on me ceased to cause even a dent in my steady emotional balance and clear headedness because I had eyes only for you. You deserved to be sent off in a classy manner and so it was.

How calmly and peacefully you lay there as though in deep sleep…the one deprived during the last few months because of the severe discomfort.

How calm, peaceful and pain-free you are now after a year and half of squirming under needles, tubes, syringes and IVs…

Why and how can I/ should I be tear stricken when you're finally rid of the shell that was deteriorating and damaged? 

Now that you've reached a place of supreme healing, I coax you to go forth on your transition and I also know for certain that you will be the first one to greet me on the other side and walk beside me to show me the way. 

Like you always brought me to school, and fetched me home. Every single day 💕. 

It's only right that it should only be you even in my afterlife. Until then, you, a single bright star will sparkle through my window in the quiet hush of the lonely blue hazy sky before every earthly dawn.

PIC COURTESY:  PINTEREST