GROWN, FLOWN AND HOME ALONE!

      GROWN, FLOWN AND HOME ALONE!

The scent of sweet spring is here! Buds and blooms add dashes of color as the grayscale backdrop bids farewell. While the hush of icy twilights were a sweet lullaby and hazy halos of the winter moon sparkled away, our tender snuggles under the downy, weighted quilts were cozy and warm spaces. Dreams floated in and out—whispering their nostalgia and wistfulness. They hummed a timeless tune of a sacred and cherished bonding of a mother and her cub.

The sunlight shone a pale peach behind my closed eyelids before they fluttered open to a bright eve of a spring dawn. The rush of warm breeze rustling the pendulous Silver Anne pothos, heady fragrances wafting from rosemary sprigs and the calming lavender stalks roused the lethargic bear in me from my hibernation. 

A well deserved wintering later, life is once again a delectable stew bubbling away. Of a different flavor this time. 

****

My den these days is a no sound zone. All day. Until past sunset. And then there is a slight, gentle stir of life! That's when Babylou returns home with stories to tell and regale me with the day’s happenings.

It's now my turn to savour the tales over a plate of dinner. Talk about role reversals and this is exactly it. 

The mornings are plenty quieter, slow paced and calmer. The clatter of breakfast plates, the hissing of the kettle and the sizzling of pancakes on the griddle or the pop of the toaster is at a much more decent time than it was years ago when I would be up and about when the stars still blinked in the sky—greeting me an unearthly good morning through the kitchen window. 

Those were the frantic years I would race against time scurrying through a 5 AM routine to get Babylou up and going, to walk her to the bus stop below for a 5.45 AM school pick up. 

From 2017-2020, four grand high school years had gone by in a heady mix of a mind numbing rote with me running things on autopilot. Sometimes, like a battery operated gadget with my eyes still half shut– raw from the remnants of sleep which refused to part ways easily.

Did I ever wake up at that god forsaken predawn hour when I was 13? NO WAYYY!

Years 2021-22 were relatively better, as in, walking into the kitchen for a prep of a snack and lunch box to pack for school when it was a little past sunrise. Early no doubt, yet I was well rested with a set of alert bright eyes and light on my feet. 

Babylou had no more school pick ups those two years onwards. She walked to the MRT by herself to juggle two trains during the rush hour to her JC. 

Years 2023-24 whizzed by like none other. Since 2025, University years are currently at an unstoppable, breakneck momentum for Babylou who I now see at dinner time only. 

Yes, the empty nester spell has been cast. It's a sneak peek at the full blown episode which is just around the corner—

Inevitably to follow in a couple of years.

Oh! How they've grown and how they've flown. I ride the tide during this shadow phase, easing into this acceptance that can't quite be called ‘comfortable’. I'm yet to adapt to this new title which has made a beeline for me.

Meanwhile, there's no proverbial deafening silence by any description even within a mile. The nooks which were once a melee of a clattering of jack in the boxes, the drumming of playthings on the parquet are now quiet corners that endlessly echo the coos, gurgles and high pitched shrieks demanding another chunk of chocolate or another scoop of ice cream right before lunch or dinner. Defiance was only a passing element, now upgraded to a self honoring trait and assertiveness. 

Babylou’s excited laughter to be back home in the afternoon as we walked the stretch of the lane hand in hand after dismissal from Tots Nursery, Kindergarten and the initial Primary School years are now only a memory. Vivid nonetheless!

Babylou now walks tall, taller than me, as excited as before as she cocoons herself in my sanctuary, but in a comparatively restrained manner —that becoming of a young lady. And with an utmost maturity asks me how my day was…did I finish watching the reruns of my favorite sitcoms (the ones I had missed when she was an infant and a clingy toddler in my arms)…awww…

Yes, the mornings are now too still and stretched out. Meditative and serene. Babylou bounces briskly out the front door at a much more reasonable hour in the third year of Uni while chirping,“Enjoy your freedom, Amma!”

And oh boy! Do I listen to her like I never did anyone before in my life! 

Embracing these changes are a bit tough on a maternal heart but there I go! Finally, the world is mine to explore. Long, after-breakfast walks, solo lunches, undisturbed siestas, unhurried errands and most importantly ---scarce clock watching as I've nowhere to rush to. 

Self care, journaling, scrapbooking, a good read at a nearby cafe over a steaming cuppa and what-have-you…the day is mine to hold and create.

***

Trying not to miss anything too much is futile, as these walls painted in apple mint and sunny yellow envelop me–a reminder of the golden days when Babylou was my constant companion . Adorned with graffiti of hearts around the words I LOVE MY AMMA, stars penciled in– twinkling in random places and rooms, smiley face doodles of us together, whimsical miniature animals tattooed with permanent markers in the study, thank you notes on sticky memo pads pasted on the refrigerator…are a horde of my security blankets. Akin to water marks of a chunk of memories we created together. 

This is home. Flaws which are jewels. Repainting these walls can take a back seat for a long time to come.And the most glaring? The stark, polished, organized, clutter free surfaces these days, mess free floors with the absence of the scattered Lego pieces and odd thingamabobs. Workbooks, piles of A4 sheets and stacks of stationary are ancient history as I offloaded an entire stockpile to a weekly collection. So much for spring cleaning while I was at it. 

Heavy duty textbooks are now replaced by sleek laptops and tablets which makes it none of my responsibility either. Haha! Well the transition is truly a long suffering one, while I outwardly try to make light of things. 

Give me another chance to linger on the curb to watch you tease the touch-me-nots curling away shyly. Let's stop by the neatly trimmed flowering shrubs lining the pavements in the neighborhood. Let me listen to you patiently as you rattle off the colors of the blooms and not rush you to keep pace to arrive on time at the school gates. 

Shall we...

:

:

In the meantime, my duckling whom I pride in has grown strong wings ready to take flight and soar the high skies. The ripples in the pond as she flies away takes endless moments to settle down. Den, nest, cocoon, pond… call it what I may, it most definitely is a forever welcoming bay awaiting Babylou’s homecoming. 

As spring promises new beginnings, so do her safe havens as she navigates the uncharted skies and seas. Time is a rapid flow, ain't it?

Pic Courtesy:Image by TAI-Design from Pixabay

©️ Sangeetha Kamath