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NIGHTS OF THE INDIGO ROSE

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SANGEETHA KAMATH

 


The seasons have changed three times over along with the skyscapes, Dear Diary. It's already October, my favourite month of the year. From champagne colored fluffed clouds of April and the laden, dense overcast monsoon skies from June to September, I now longingly gaze at a spotless cerulean sky as I rigorously practice my physiotherapy exercises and a dedicated 30 min walk in our garden dreaming about my second home in faraway Singapore which is enveloped in the same powder blue blanket.

Battling with the blazing summers of my mind, the auburning autumns of my heart and the frigid winters of my soul, I hold space for every sacred transition as a renewed me emerges slowly, steadily and yes…painfully. A metamorphosis in the true sense.

Wishing upon a frosted star when the night unfolds as an indigo rose, I tether on the brink of delirious dreams, struggling to fall asleep, yet,not daring to toss and turn as my body is still relearning to balance my weight as I lean sideways with sore chest and ribs.

Stifling humidity adds to my discomfort of slow healing, Dear Diary. Healing is not necessarily linear. It never is. I ride the surfboards on euphoric waves when I suddenly start feeling better with renewed energy, only to feel the slump, drowning in the depths of the same ocean a couple of days later, disillusioning me with self doubt that I'll ever regain my former self.

Struggling to stay afloat when I surface from the turbulent waters, additionally battling mood swings, I'm eternally grateful for the wonderful family and friends who have been rallying around me, lifting my spirits and showering me with concern over messages and phone calls.

Drawing her reserves of boundless courage and strength, my mother has been a vault of support– both physically and emotionally. I have relived my childhood with her four decades down the line, getting the best health care and attention as a new born would. 

Guilt gnaws at me no end for having imposed my inadequacy on her but she has been the sentinel of her kingdom, the lighthouse of my darkest hour, soothing my throbbing muscles with her healing touch and motivating me with her magical affirmations.

Babylou, the gem studded piece of my heart has been her own keeper, displaying her sovereignty and utmost responsibility for the three weeks that my Dear Hubby was by my side during the post-op care, never shirking in her routine—attending Uni, eating meals on time, taking proper rest and most importantly for braving it out alone in Singapore, sustaining herself along with safeguarding our home and hearth. A true champion in the making, isn't she, Dear Diary!

October 1st, Dear Diary was my second follow up after the ASD Closure. I've been peppered with newfound confidence as my road to recovery is well on track as the reviews with various departments have certified! My third follow up is now nonessential and I can now prepare for my departure to Singapore after Nov 1st when they grant me my travel clearance cert.

While the world sprints ahead at its own pace, I've discovered mine–taking easy, deliberate steps, rejoicing in the feeling at what my body can do for me after all the pounding and trauma it endured.

Everyday, I pat myself and talk to my inner child about the smallest achievements I've conquered through the painstaking efforts. Each improvement and milestone that I document gives me a thrill that I've never known before.

As the indigo rose unfurls each night, stretching its petals across the midnight sky, Dear Diary,I tip my wizard's hat skyward, gratitude brimming at the universe. As the stars spill from it, spangles glitter on the dark velvet, the motifs which are symbolic of the prayers, blessings and well wishes from every faith and religion that shielded me from every mishap and bequeathed me with a second life!

It's a rebirth, Dear Diary and I, a Phoenix who rose from the ashes. My broken wings will soon fire up their spirits as I soar once again with my former verve and pizzazz.

Home Sweet Home, I'll be back soon! Knock on wood!

©️ Sangeetha Kamath 

Pic Courtesy: Image by Melissa Nurani from Pixabay

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